Your Actions Affect Your Kids

Caution:  Rant ahead!

There is something about post-divorce relationships that I will never understand.  For example, when a former spouse spends their time ruining another’s reputation or destroying a relationship with family/children, how does that benefit anyone?  Truly, there is nothing more pitiful or worthless as gossip, rumors, and spreading outlandish lies … except when it is done in the form of a prayer request (but that’s a blog for another day).  Lately, I have been taken aback by the number of former spouses who seem to revel in using their children as pawns and then backing it up with whining and griping to anyone who will listen to strengthen their case.  Listen, I can only say this once because it is so darn annoying:  “SHUT UP”.  (Seriously.)

If you cannot figure out how to relate to a person then just have nothing to do with them.  But, when there is language in a divorce decree that clearly indicates this is not to happen how can it continue?  Perhaps it is a total lack of self-respect?  Maybe it is an inability to move on?  Perhaps your life is not as interesting as the person you are no longer with?  Or even still, maybe it is just a simple comprehension problem that the language seems confusing or difficult to understand.  However, how can these boiler-plate words (taken from an Alabama divorce decree) really be that confusing?

The parties each agree to promote a healthy, beneficial relationship with the other parent and will not demean or speak out in any manner that would damage the natural flow of love, caring and affection between either parent or the child.  

I have been witness time and time again to the self-destruct sequence that parents fail to see and it has to stop.  Parents, you are destroying your kids because your relationship has failed.  It is time to ACT your age and act with respect and mutual dignity when it comes to dealing with your children.  Your marriage is over; this doesn’t mean it is the fault of your children … NOR is it a license to use your children as pawns/scape-goats in your sick, sadistic, greedy processes to affect the lives of your former spouse.

Just stop and move on with your life.  (OK, rant over …)