Many know that I am a staff writer for the website GotQuestions.org, and earlier this week I received a question that I wanted to share as well as the answer that I provided. Divorce is something that hurts us all, affects us all, and in one way or another tears at the very fabric of the family unit in more ways than just legally. Having been through a divorce myself it saddens me to see so many hurt in this way and I even wrote about this earlier this year in THIS post.
My husband is living with the woman he had an affair with. Should I give him access to our children? He wants them to live with him part time and he wants to divorce me. Should I fight in court to keep the kids from going to this type of setting? Proverbs says the home of the adulteress leads to death. Should I keep them from going to his house or spending time with their father and adulteress together?
Thank you for writing to us. Prayerfully, you will receive this answer in the way that it was meant; which is in love for Christ that we both have and not as a personal attack. I have been divorced for 11 months now and I know exactly what you are feeling in this.
Biblically speaking, you both are responsible for raising your children and providing a stable atmosphere for them to grow up and be loved in. This is what the Psalmist tells us in Psalm 127:3, “Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.” In regards to visitation, this is going to be determined by a court and unless there is a provable, documented, criminal reason (drugs, abuse, etc.) why the children cannot see him (and in turn this lady) he is going to at least get visitation, whether you have joint-custody or not. Your attorney will best be able to walk you through this process and may recommend saving money by not refusing visitation because you are angry. You must be level-headed in this process. Anger only ties you down and keeps you from healing, which in turn hurts your children.
Having been through a divorce I can tell you that the process is painful, but through Christ you WILL be and ARE able to heal. My personal recommendation to you is to NOT allow your children to be the center of your argument, nor to be pawns in the blaming of one another, but that they would know that mom and dad love them both and will always be their parents. I would also recommend some grief and personal counseling (face to face is much better than online mainly for accountability purposes) to help manage/work-through these feelings of anger and allow you to heal to be the best mommy you can for them.
God bless you and may God bless your children because they need to have peace to grow up loved and stable young adults. ~ Rev TJ Conwell